The Problem With Cross Species Relationships
by christanky17
Summary: Shepard has been ignoring Garrus lately, brushing him off and generally being in a foul mood. Garrus has no other choice but to approach a certain female convict about the matter who gets more than a laugh at Garrus' situation. Rated M for Jack's mouth.


I was doing a replay of ME3 and I randomly conjured this one shot together. And I found it hilarious in my head because I could see this situation happening, knowing Garrus anyway.

Enjoy this funny little drabble. Rated M for Jack's mouth.

* * *

"Shepard."

Said woman was on her way towards the CIC when she heard her name being called. Admiral Hackett had requested that she meet with him for a debriefing at Arcturus Station so she was on her way to plot a course on the war map.

She simply turned her head and glared over her shoulder, not entirely caring that it was her Turian boyfriend calling her.

"What?" She snapped.

Garrus blinked twice in disbelief and surprise, a bit of slight confusion crossing his mind. Never had she responded with such hostility. Did something happen and he wasn't aware? Shepard stood there in front of the elevator, her patience quickly diminishing. Garrus stood there silently as Shepard let out a huff and walked into the elevator. Garrus continued to watch in stunned disbelief as the elevator door slowly closed with Shepard's back facing him.

Garrus continued to stare at the door for a couple of minutes, until it opened again.

"What the hell?"

Garrus shook his head as his head came back to reality, seeing Jack standing in the elevator.

"Why are you just standing there like a moron?" Jack walked out of the elevator and began walking around the corner towards the kitchen. Garrus, being himself, turned and followed the short convict towards the kitchen and eating area.

"I'm having a hard time understanding something, or I'm just really am moronic."

Jack waved her hand as she walked to the fridge. "You're probably just are a moron."

Garrus let out a snort, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the counter as Jack took out a random concoction of foods and began fixing herself something to eat.

"Charming Jack, but in all seriousness I'm having a problem and I assume that maybe another... human can give me some insight."

Jack paused what she was doing and looked over to the Turian with arched brows. "You're asking me for advice? Do I look like Mamma Earl?"

Garrus let out a sigh; he knew she was going to react this way. But who else was he going to ask? He figured that it would be wiser to ask a human on the same gender for advice. _Was she getting bored of him? _Garrus' thoughts stopped dead in their tracks.

He hoped not.

Jack, seeing how Garrus went into silence rolled her eyes and dropped what she was doing and turned to look at Garrus fully before crossing her arms over her chest.

"Alright Garrus, considering how helpless you look I'll give you the light of day. What is wrong, and enlighten me on how the hell I can help?"

_Well, here goes nothing._

"For the past couple of days Shepard has been... acting odd."

It was quiet between the two crew mates as Jack gave him a look. When she noticed that he wasn't continuing with his story she huffed. "Why is she acting odd? Did you do something wrong?"

"That's where I'm lost. I don't know what I did wrong, if anything. She just suddenly became really withdrawn and she made me sleep on the couch since... I don't even know!"

Jack smothered the laugh that threatened to escape her lips. Queen of the girl scouts was couching Garrus? And he was getting worked up over it? She regained her sense of mind, and took a breath from her nose before continuing.

"Did something happen? Argument? Horrible sex?"

Garrus knew how blunt the short woman was, so he just had to bear with it. "No. And the worst of it is, whenever I do try something, she'd always change the subject or go away. It's almost like she doesn't want any contact with me. It's just really strange because it happened out of nowhere. Not to mention my legs kill from sleeping on that couch of hers."

Jack scratched her shoulder as she took in what the Turian was telling her. Lack of contact... foul mood? The wheels began turning in the convict's head as pieces came together. Suddenly she began laughing, and then she was laughing really hard. Jack looked over and saw Miranda just happening to walk past.

"Hey cheerleader! Get a crack of this!"

Miranda looked over to Jack and Garrus, more surprised that Jack was laughing like she really was enjoying herself. She looked ahead. She was going to go to speak to Dr Chakwas... But curiosity soon got the best out of her and she turned to her left and walked over to where the two crew mates were standing.

Jack stopped laughing and thumb pointed to Garrus before covering her eyes and face with her other hand.

"Garrus is getting stood up by Shepard because she's on her period!"

Garrus jerked his head back in confusion. Period? What was a period?

Miranda's eyes went wide at Jack's statement and then she looked to Garrus who was confused beyond comprehension. Her lip began to twitch as a laugh escaped her lips.

"What happened Garrus?" She asked trying to keep the professionalism in her voice.

"Am I missing something here?" Garrus asked, straightening himself from leaning against the counter. Jack snorted as she brought her attention back to her food. "I'm no biologist, you explain it to him cheerleader."

Miranda scratched her forehead before looking over to Garrus. "Right... you're involved with the Commander. Cross species... Aye aye..." Miranda shook her head before swallowing. Mine as well get it over and done with, for she knew that getting a lesson from Mordin wouldn't be any better. "Garrus, human females go through a 'cycle' I guess you can put it once a month."

"A cycle? Is something wrong with her?"

Miranda shook her hands quickly as she spoke; "No no, it's completely normal. But during this cycle it throws off female's hormones completely, probably why the Commander is in a foul mood and isn't speaking to you."

"She wouldn't even come near me!"

Jack barked out a laugh as she turned her head. "I don't think you'd want her near you until she takes a shower, unless you want your cock in blood." Miranda's mouth dropped open as she uncrossed her arms, rubbing her forehead. "I could have gone my whole life without having to hear that..."

"A cock? What?"

Jack began laughing again. _Holy shit, I hadn't had this much amusement in awhile! _

"What, so you don't call it that? Wait, actually I don't even want to know." And then Jack resumed her work on making herself a meal. The other two could hear her chuckling under her breath as she focused on her food.

Miranda shook her head before looking to Garrus. "Garrus it's nothing to worry about. She'll be back to normal by next week."

"Who will be back to normal?"

All heads turned, including Jack's to Shepard who was standing behind them.

It was silent.

Too silent...

Shepard's eyes went back and forth between the trio awkwardly. "Did I come at the wrong time...?"

"Shepard, if you were on your period you could have just told me." Garrus stated as the three females looked to Garrus. Shepard's mouth opened, and then closed not knowing what to say. Suddenly this was very... awkward.

Jack groaned and then looked to Shepard. "Garrus was worried because you were ignoring him and couching him, he thought you didn't want his dick anymore." The other two females looked to her in shock and Jack shrugged. "That's what I gathered anyway."

"Oh boy..." Miranda muttered under her breath. "If you'll all excuse me I was on my way to the medical bay." Miranda turned around swiftly, and walked across the crew deck towards the med bay.

Shepard looked to Garrus who stood there awkwardly.

"Garrus is this true?"

"I...ah..."

Shepard closed her eyes, a smile on her face as she shook her head.

"I'm sorry if I worried you. But be assured there is nothing wrong with our relationship."

Shepard watched as Garrus' shoulders noticeably sagged in relief. Shepard walked over and put her hand on her boyfriend's shoulder.

"Garrus you know you can always talk to me."

Jack looked over her shoulder to her commanding officer and crew mate. "I don't think he had the marbles to considering his situation prior to this discussion."

Shepard looked to Jack in amusement and then looked back to Garrus, taking a step back. Garrus scratched the side of his neck awkwardly.

"I wanted to actually show you something in the main battery Garrus. Come." There was a clang and Jack fully turned and gave her commanding officer a knowing look. "What a load of bull! Get a room!"

Shepard shook her head, smiling as she already was turning around and walking towards the main battery. Sometimes she found her teammates more of family than crew. And sometimes she didn't know what she would do without her naive boyfriend. Besides plotting to destroy a race of intelligent machines that wiped out organics every 50,000 years... Life was good. She just hoped that she lived to experience another of these awkward and amusing moments in her life before the Council decided to believe her about the reaper invasion.


End file.
